The “Phone Pen”
Married Life….
So, three days ago, I’m working at my desk at home, when I decide to go downstairs to the kitchen and get something to eat. The house phone rings in the kitchen, and for once, it’s actually someone I want to talk to, my niece, calling me back.
“Hi Uncle Chris, I have the electricians phone number you wanted,” she remembered I had asked her for a couple days ago. “Hold on honey, let me get a piece of paper and a pen to write it down,” I said, as I opened the little drawer on the phone, that has a little “hideaway” space in it. It is one of those “old-fashioned” looking wired wall-mount phones that is now “old-fashioned” in it’s own right.
I opened the little drawer, and the little pad (which I refer to as the “phone pad”) is there, but the “phone pen” is missing! “Damn it,” I said, frustrated, that any of the “instrumentation” would be missing! “What’s the matter?” my niece asked.” “I’m going to have to call you back for the number, as the “phone pen” is missing!” I said. “You don’t have any other pens in the house?” She asked, with what I detected a bit of sarcasm! “Yes I have other pens in the house, that’s not the point, the “phone pen” should be here, and now I’m going to have to find it!” I responded. “I’ll just give you the number, and I’m sure you can remember it,” she said. “Remember it?…it takes me two tries to remember my zip code at the gas pump, how am I going to remember a phone number?” I point out to Mrs. Rain Man! “Ok, ok, call me later,” she said as we both hung up the phone.
“TERRY, TERRY” I yell up the stairs annoyed, where Terry is getting ready to go out.
Now this is where the story gets interesting….
“What?” She hollers back. “HAVE YOU SEEN THE PHONE PEN?” I YELL, making sure she knows my intentions as to where this conversation is going!!
“The what?” She hollers back, trying to sound confused! “The phone Penn!” I answer back again, not falling for her routine. “We have a Phone shaped like a Pen?” She asked, sounding pretty convincing, but I’m not falling for it one bit! “No, that’s ridiculous that would be a pen phone!”, I correctly counter. “What’s the difference?” She asked. “Well…one would be a pen that sits by the phone, and the other is a stupid idea of a phone that looks like a pen!” I reply…game on!
“I don’t think it’s stupid, I think that would be kind of cool. Anyway I didn’t move your STUPID pen phone!” She shot back.
“PHONE PEN, PHONE PEN!! I correct her. “Whatever…” she comes back with her standard response… “I don’t know where it is…maybe you moved it?” She tries to deflect. “Why would I move it, that’s ridiculous, it’s supposed to stay by the phone….hence why WE call it the PHONE PEN!” I explained to her. “Uh, why YOU call it the phone pen,” making what she thinks is a good point…
“What did you need it for anyway?” She asked me. “To write down a phone number someone just called to give me, that’s what for!” I answered. “You couldn’t just remember 10 digits?” She asked sounding somewhat incredulous. “NO! Why does EVERYONE think I’m JOHN NASH, for crying out loud?!” I set her straight!
“Look, I didn’t touch your precious phone pen, pen phone, whatever you call it, I didn’t see it, and I have no idea where it might be, so if you don’t mind, I’d prefer to end this stupid conversation!” She said, thinking this is the end of this…..
“See, that is what’s wrong with society!” I try and continue. “A missing phone pen is what’s wrong with society?” She asks, “Not the debate on immigration, taxes, pipe bombs, it’s PHONE PENS?” She said, thinking she’s got me. “No, it’s a symptom, a symptom!” I deftly counter. “You know what else is a symptom? This conversation is a symptom of you going nuts!” She ended….
Tired of making one winning point after another, I head back to my office, as I clean up and move a pile of papers, and there sitting, and mockingly looking up at me, with almost a smug smile on it’s Bic face….is the “Phone Pen”….obviously where I had moved and quite apparently had left it….and until this very moment, the mystery of the missing “phone pen” had not been solved…
